Koan for the day - Drive away so you can find yourself.
If you could do one good thing for yourself today, it would be to get lost. We sleep through our lives, engrossed in meaningless ritual to the point of numb hypnosis by sheer mundanity. However, if you turn left at red light 14 instead of going straight, as you normally do, and continue on strange roads until you are completely sure you do not know where you are, then you may find yourself. Once upon a time, I had an incredibly intimidating paper due as a graduate student. I was at the end of my rope having done none of it with 30 minutes left before class. Other graduate students were comforting and let me know that they would see me in class in just a few minutes, which seemed like a sadistic voyeurism since they knew that I did not have the paper completed. I smiled, rode down the elevator with them, paused and acted like I forgot something. As soon as they walked away, I got my car keys, walked to the parking garage, and drove out of the city. I cannot begin to describe the utter nirvana of seeing that urban scape shrink in my rear view mirror that day.
Thoreau extolled the virtues of a good walk, and we must concur with that sentiment. However, we can no longer walk far enough to find unfamiliar territory but we can drive. Today, right after you read this, do nothing out of the ordinary right now but go to work, and on your way, get lost. That is what you have to do. If you plan on getting lost, you are not lost. You have to act as though, or believe as though your day is going to be just like yesterday and not knowing whether or not you can actually do it, do it. Find something heavenly to listen to, and drive slow. You are not running away, but simply sliding into the unknown. Purposely find back roads and avoid the interstate at all costs. When you stop to eat, make sure you have never heard of the place.
Sit with strangers and sip coffee with them. Find a place to play chess and watch the hours melt away. As you drive, breath slowly and drink green tea. Turn the cell phone off and stay away from talk radio. Stop to take in the view, meditate and open up. That last part is tough, but let your mind leave the conventions, worries and walls that normally confine it and let your thoughts dissipate. If you find that your environment is starting to look familiar, turn the other way. Find open spaces and empty places.
I will not say how you will know that it is time to come home, but you will know and when you do, do not regret it for a second. The world is yours for a breath’s time and it is lost in the distortion of living day to day. You will never appreciate it until you can find it new and strange again. When you feel your life collapsing again under corporate stress, parenthood, or tedium, do it again.
